Stay Away From People with NPD

(Because someone called me ableist on tumblr for stating this).

People with this NPD REFUSE TREATMENT and thus are seldom diagnosed and treated. If they just so happens to seek treatment, it is a lengthy and expensive process with undetermined results, because again, they typically refuse treatment unless court ordered. 

I asked him politely multiple times to see if he would to go to a therapy with me (or without) at no cost to him. I was going alone for months and paying anyway. He refused every single time. I asked in the nicest ways possible in varying fashion at various times.
I read “Why Does He Do That?” of which I highly recommend to people dating or in an abusive relationship. I read that and everything I could through tears - multiple psychology websites to make sure I wasn’t tossing this shit out willy-nilly.
I agree, people shouldn’t armchair-diagnose, but people shouldn’t ignore their own suffering and should seek assistance. If you don’t, you will continue to suffer.
It is common knowledge that you can’t help anyone that doesn’t seek it.
If you are attached to someone who refuses help, you are likely to burn yourself eventually.

I sought the advice of a psychologist and therapists on multiple occasions. I wrote down private blog posts to keep track of his behavior and my behavior to makes sure I was assessing him properly.
I had to pay $150 per session for a decent therapist to figure out how to deal with living with someone with NPD (of which she also suspected, but again, can’t typically be diagnosed because reasons I already stated).
She instead worked on my co-dependency issues (NPD people prey on the co-dependent). She taught me how to not give into his unjustifiable tantrums - like calling me a whore for hanging out with my friends, saying I was cheating on him. Mind you, I asked if he would like to meet my friends (I’ve known them for 10 years) hoping it would make him more comfortable. He said, “No, they’re you’re friends, not mine.” I asked if he wanted to Skype when I chose to hang out with them to help him with his insecurity issues. He said no. He wanted me to have no contact with friends and family. This was not OK.
I wasn’t allowed to go to lunch with my boss to discuss work because he was male. I wasn’t allowed to go for coffee with a freelance client without him if they were male. If he did go with me, it would be likely that he would fume and freak out if he said anything to his disliking.
He got mad at me for going to church, not because of my belief, but because I could talk to men.
He called me naive. I told him, “You know I would never cheat on you.” He would say “It’s not you, it’s them, you don’t know what goes on in their heads.” I would say, “I don’t care what’s going on in their heads. You know I’m a good person and that’s all that should matter.” He would say, “I can’t handle this, I want a divorce.” And would proceed to lock himself in his room and not speak to me until I agreed to not go out and apologize for arguing with him. This is a form of emotional abuse and vying for control

I won’t even get into the violent, loud, public outbursts and property destruction… like that time at his sister’s wedding… Just about every time we were out with the general public, I had to walk on eggshells and ignore my need to help people… Like that worker at the grocery who couldn’t find where to place the gerkin pickles. O_O He got infuriated because I showed the grocery store worker where to place PICKLES. I’m not kidding.

I am fluent in mental illness through experience. I went to an SED school and became a mediator amongst those with issues at the SED school. I was raised seeing therapists on and off since I was 4 (because my mom was cray, so she wanted to prevent me from being cray), I have friends that are therapists that I seek advice from. My mom is professionally diagnosed with bi-polar, manic depression, agoraphobia, and I too have a few mental illnesses hence my going to therapy. 

NPD is horrible and not many people know how to look out for it. It makes everyone around the person suffer. I don’t throw labels on people just because, but I am WITHOUT A DOUBT positive that was his condition. I still read up on it to make sure I wasn’t labeling him unjustifiably.

I’m putting a warning out there for people to do their own extensive research regarding this condition.

If anyone has experience or knowledge in this matter, more than throwing “Ableist” around, I’m open to listen. I’m always willing to learn.

To not make people aware of this particular disorder enables the abusers.

How does a narcissistic partner negatively impact a relationship?

via [x]

“Narcissistic relationships tend to be very challenging. Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don’t truly love themselves.  They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really “see” their partner as a separate person.  They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs (or fail to fill their needs). Their mates and children are only valued in terms of their ability to meet these needs.  Narcissistic partners often lack the ability to have empathy with their partners’ feelings. This lack of empathy leads to a lot of hard feelings.

Yet many people are drawn to narcissistic relationships. Narcissistic partners can be very captivating, especially at the beginning. They tend to have a “big” personality. They are the life of the party. They can make you feel that you too must be great for them to choose you. However, in time, they can be too controlling in relationships. They may feel jealous or easily hurt.  When narcissistic injuries occur, they often lash out and can be cutting.  Their reactions are dramatic and attention-seeking. According to narcissistic personality expert, Dr. W. Keith Campbell, “The effects of narcissism are most substantial in relation to interpersonal functioning. In general, trait narcissism is associated with behaving in such a way that one is perceived as more likable in initial encounters with strangers— but this likability diminishes with time and increased exposure to the narcissistic individual.” This is why many people, who have been in a long-term narcissistic relationships, describe a very passionate and exciting honeymoon period in the beginning and then a sharp decline as the likability decreases and the self-centered behaviors increase. Narcissists are prone to falling madly in love with someone instantly and are very quick to commit. However, this initial love and commitment is not easily sustained.

When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you may feel very lonely. You might feel like you are just an accessory and  your needs and wants are unimportant.  Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.